ALL THE SAME TO WHO?

On this Fall day I wanted to forget about the three "R"s.
And play ball like every school boy did before he had cars.
The new teacher acted mean but I wasn't a teeny bit scared.
She wasn't much older than me--I could fool her if I dared.

Her long skirt swished between the desks.  She wasn't very tall.
If she was a young girl sitting in front of me, I'd have a ball.
My buddy across the room gave me a wink.  What would he try?
Whatever he had in mind surely could make a teacher cry.

We hurried outside at recess time--my buddy and me.
The outhouse sheltered many secrets--we had a plan, you see.
This teacher needs to know that we are big boys now
And let's give her heck until lunch hour--oh wow.

We shook hands on that. We had made a pact--my buddy and me.
This was to be all in fun, you see. On this one thing we did agree.
The young teacher couldn't know what trouble was in store.
This was her first school.  She didn't have experience before.

We were late getting back.  Our names were written on the slate.
Our groans were load.  With long faces we protested out fate.
"If it's all the same to you, you could stay and mop the floor.
It would only take five minutes before racing out the door."

"Loan me your reading book." My buddy whispered across the room.
How could we have gotten two marks next to our names so soon?
Her back was turned when I tossed the book.  It was only a game.
We got in trouble, what was one more mark beside our name?

But no mark could compare to what next took place.
When the lady teacher got mad--oh the look on her face.
My shirt collar was lifted, my desk flew far away.
I was in the grips of a wrestler, I started to pray.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd rather take a whipping."
I don't know why I said that. I must have gone a flipping.
Her desk was dark and cool with my behind laying there.
I wondered if my buddy would turn up for his share.

The next day when time for school, I sorely made my way.
I stood in the back of the room hoping for a short day.
The teacher said to take my seat. "Do you need a hand?"
If it's all the same to you," I said, "I think I'd rather stand."

THE OLD TIME BOX SUPPER

Gaily decorated boxes lined the table in the old school house.
Old geezers and young boys guessed which box was whose.
The auction started and they all had a chance to choose.
It seemed like all sweethearts had no choice but to lose.

An old bachelor was stubbornly bidding on "my" box.
I was glad I had the foresight to switch with Grandma Fox.
She'd enjoy his company much more--of that I was sure.
I hoped he liked her Lemon pie so sweet and pure.

Grandma's box came up next. The auctioneer held it high.
The teacher bid on it. I swallowed a gulp, and then a sigh.
I wished I could somehow disappear just like a mouse.
Eat supper with him? I'd rather be alone with my house.

The auction was finally over. I was sure I would die.
I dropped down at a table to wait my embarrassing fate,
But to my surprise a young man appeared. He was not shy.
Only on this first date I didn't tell him Grandma made the pie.